


The Rescue of Captain Solo; Or How the Resistance Defeated the First Order Once Again

by starwenn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Action & Romance, Alternative Universe - Victorian/Early 20th Century Melodrama Spoof, Conveyor Belt of Doom, F/M, First Order Is Mysterious Smuggling Operation, Han Solo Lives, Han and Poe are the Official Star Wars Damsels In Distress, Human!Chewbacca, Little Sis BB-8, Melodrama, The Resistance is a Police Group, human droids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-08-16 14:34:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8106076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starwenn/pseuds/starwenn
Summary: Han Solo and Poe Dameron are rescued yet again from a fate worse than death in this homage to 19th and early 20th century melodrama and old-time serials.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as set in the actual Star Wars universe...but then I realized how much it resembled old-time serials and melodramas of the early 20th century. Somewhere in the three or so hours I worked on it, it became a homage to the blood-and-thunder adventures that inspired everything from Scooby Doo to Indiana Jones. It's supposed to be set between about 1910 and 1924, hense the use of the word “negro” for Finn. No offense is intended; it's a reflection of the time period. Oh, and this was originally inspired by CultureVulture83's "The Not So Great Escape."

He awoke in...wait. Where the hell was he? Rough wood scraped his back, cut into his leather jacket. Cold metal pinned him down to something cylindrical. What he should have been was dead. 

The last thing Henry Solo remembered was the cold steel of the heirloom garnet-handled knife that belonged to his son Benjamin before it was plunged into his chest. He was The Executioner now, or Kylo Ren, the Knight of Ren. The masked terror who tracked down those who got in the way of his boss, the notorious crime lord Ebeneezer Snoke. Snoke was rumored to have some kind of magic powers, powers that could control the mind or see the future. Henry wouldn't have believed in such nonsense...if his own son, wife, and brother-in-law didn't posses those powers, too. 

He just hoped the kids got away. The negro kid Finn Finnegan, who ran out on the First Order Company, and the little immigrant street girl Rey. He wondered if Luke ever trained Rey. She was brilliant with mechanics, damn good with firearms, feisty as hell, and knew English swear words even he wasn't familiar with. Charles, his long-time partner, probably got them to Luke. At least he hoped he did. Leia still most of that map to her brother's hideout.

Henry tried to struggle, but not only were the chains around his arms and wrists too tight, but his chest felt like it was on fire. The wound had probably been cleaned, but not much else.“Leia's going to kill me about the shirt,” he muttered. “That's the third one I've gone through since I got back.”

“Don't try to free yourself.” He looked up to see Lord Armitage Hux – was that really the snide little bastard's name? - striding over. His coppery red hair was slicked back under his gray bowler hat with enough grease to keep his boat the Falcon going for the next six years. The wool suit and cape were probably made by some fancy tailor. He straightened his pearl-gray gloves. “The chains are too tight. Besides, there's nowhere to go.” A marmalade-orange cat rubbed at his heels. He scooped it up, scratching it between the ears. 

Henry ignored the young British noble's snooty tones. “Look, you little bastard, I thought your bosses wanted me dead. What am I doing here, besides getting splinters in my backside?”

“The same thing our supreme leader told us you were used for many times in the last thirty years.” He leaned his unsmiling, narrow face into Henry's. “You, chap, are bait.”

As Henry focused, he began to realize where he was. “The Starkiller Saw Mills.” He glared at him. “The place you're using as a front for your criminal operations. I thought we got rid of it.”

“Not all of it.” He waved his hands. Ten men in black and white helmets and protective suits loaded priceless artifacts into hollowed-out logs. “We did manage to save these. The Supreme Leader will be very interested in these old Jedi swords and spell books.”

Henry glared at him. “They belong in a museum, kid!”

“So do you.” He smirked as the door was flung open, allowing two more men to drag in a third. “Ahh, it looks like you're going to have some company, Captain Solo.”

Henry's eyes widened when he saw whom the goons were hauling around. “Poe! What did you do to that poor man?”

Leia's best pilot should have been in one of those damn new flying machines, not being dragged around like a sack of potatoes. His face was a mass of bruises, some already turning deep shades of purple, and bloodied cuts. Hux yanked off his leather flight helmet and grabbed him by a handful of shiny black curls. 

“And here's the other official bait.” He pulled the handsome man's face up to his. “You just can't stay away from this place, can you?”

Poe gave him a small, cocky grin. “Maybe I just like the look of your skinny puss.” Henry couldn't help grinning himself as they flung Poe onto the log. 

The younger pilot looked up with his own wide brown eyes as the goons bound him to the other side. “Captain Solo! You...we all thought you were dead! All except Mrs. Solo and Professor Walker.” 

Henry gave him his own famous lopsided grin. “I'm tough, kid. It would take a lot more than some hundred-year-old knife in the belly to take me down.”

“How touching.” As Hux turned from them to the lever on the end of the conveyor belt, Henry finally had the time to notice that some of the men didn't seem quite...normal. At least two were far shorter than average, one much taller. He swore he saw the hint of dark skin under the helmet of another. And as he looked up, he noticed three figures climbing around in the rafters. One definitely had a blue-bladed knife between her even white teeth.

“Where's my son? Where's Benjamin?” Henry demanded, hoping to distract them from the trio on the ceiling.

Hux was busy attending to his pearl cuff links. “Kylo Ren was called away. Very secret business, very hush-hush. He did so want to be here for your final demise, but when Snoke calls, you obey.”

“Too bad he didn't decide to stay with the Resistance.” Poe looked up from his struggles on the log. “We're free to go wherever we want, whenever we want. We're not trained lap dogs like you, Ren, and Miss Phasma.” He smirked. “Where is Miss Phasma, anyway? I heard from a reliable source that she took a very unpleasant plunge into the sewers downtown.”

“She's taking a bath.” Hux wrinkled his porcelain nose. “I told her not to come out or get into uniform until I could stand the smell of her.”

Henry nudged Poe with the ball of his foot. “I knew that was a great idea, getting rid of her down there.”

Poe tried to crane his neck upwards. “Finn told me he and Charles had help. That was you?”

“Leia, Luke, Charles, and I got stuck in the sewers once.” Henry lay back, at least as well as he could without getting six splinters in his back. “We were escaping their old man's hideout. It's kind of a long story.”

“Enough of this!” Hux reached for the lever. “Where's your current hideout? Where's Professor Walker?”

“Why don't you ask my kid?” Henry gave him the nastiest look he could muster. “He'd know more than me. I have no idea. They didn't have the full map.”

Poe's glare bored into Hux. “You won't get me to talk. You already know that. You tried almost a week ago.”

“If we can't get you to talk...” Hux pushed the lever. “Oh dear. I seem to have accidentally pushed the lever. What will you two do now?”

“We'll get out of this!” Poe flailed wildly as the log followed the rest of its similar brethren down the conveyor belt, towards a sharp circular saw. Henry saw the sun as it glinted off the massive machine. 

Hux pushed the lever further back. The conveyor belt nearly leaped ahead, moving twice as fast. “I don't think either of you will escape this time. Captain Solo, you may have survived being stabbed, but you certainly won't get through being sliced neatly in half. Nor will you, Commander Damerez.”

“That's what you think.” One of the smaller goons let a black leather-clad fist loose in Hux's face. “Maybe the cavalry's arrived.” Another kicked aside two of his men. The trio on the ceiling had literally fallen onto the ones loading the logs, leaving them in a pile on the floor.

“Professor Walker!” Poe grinned as the hood pulled off his helmet, revealing thick gray-yellow hair and a longish gray beard that framed soft blue eyes. “When did you get in?”

“Just this morning.” Luke patted the brown-haired girl who emerged from the pile on her shoulder. “Thanks to Rey here. She's going to be my new assistant. I could use someone to help me with my work.”

“Rey, I'm glad you got a new job, but could someone shut this thing off?” Poe yanked at his bound wrists. “We're going to be sawdust in a minute!”

Rey and Luke lunged for the lever at the same time. Hux went after Luke; the ginger cat nipped at Rey's heels. Hux and Luke were fighting for Luke's green-bladed knife when Rey swept the cat into her arms. 

“Here,” she yelled, tossing the cat at Hux. “She likes me better n' you!” The cat's weight sent Hux back several feet, distracting him long enough for Luke to clip him in the shoulder. 

Luke looked up as another short hood reached for the lever. He didn't have much luck with it. “Artie, are you ok?” The man's finger's flew. “It's stuck?” He and Rey both went to help as more Resistance officers flooded into the mill.

It took Rey, Luke, Finn, and the other short hood to finally pull the lever back...just as the teeth of the saw was about to slice into Poe's leg. “Could you have cut it any closer?” The young pilot called, puffing hard.

“Yeah.” Henry's eyes were wide. “Few more seconds, and that cut would have been too close!”

The two smallest figures jumped for the logs. Poe grinned as Finn came on one side. The shortest hood pulled off her helmet, revealing his little sister Beatrice's wild mane of strawberry-blond curls and big brown eyes. 

“Big brother!” She threw her arms around him. “I knew we'd find you! We followed that bad man with the kitty cat, and then we knew you were here!”

Finn was already unlocking Poe's chains. “BeaBea, I missed your brother too, but for now, you really have to let him go. I can't get all the chains off if you're sitting on him.”

“Oooh!” She jumped away. “Sorry, Mr. Finnie.”

Henry frowned at the small figure who unlocked his chains. “Who are you?”

The hood reached over and took off his helmet. He'd never been so happy to see the still-beautiful face of his wife Leia in all his life. She took his leathery hands in her soft, if aged, ones. “Someone who loves you, Sheep Herder.” 

“That's my wife.” He winced as she and big, hairy Charles helped him off the log. “She's still the toughest cop in the city. Even when she's Chief of Police.” 

“Did you think we'd leave you to certain doom?” Leia put her arms around him. “You know we'll always come for you.”

Luke came over to him as Rey bounced over to Poe. “Hey, Henry.” The gray-haired scholar put his arm around his shoulder and gave him a one-armed hug. “I thought I'd never see you again.”

“Yeah, I could say the same about you. Where have you been for thirty years?”

“A secluded cabin in the Adirondacks. Rey's the one who found me.” He gave Henry one of his sunny smiles. “You owe her one, Senior. She's the one who convinced me to come back.” He sighed, his sky-blue eyes grown haunted. “I should never have left. Even after the police academy burned down. Even after the rumors about my powers...”

“It's water under the bridge now, kid.” Henry tried to chuckle, but he ended up wincing.

“You're both going to the hospital.” Leia turned to the tall golden-haired man in the threadbare gold suit with one red sleeve behind her. “Clarence, please call for an ambulance. These men are going to need medical attention.”

“And don't you say no.” Rey punched Poe's shoulder lightly. He rubbed it and gave her a look. “You look like you just fought Jack Johnson in the ninth round.”

Finn nodded. “I told you the First Order Company doesn't mess around. You need to start listening.”

Poe tried for his own lopsided smirk. “Since when was that any fun?” 

Beatrice wrapped her arms around her brother's leg. “Big brother, the bad man with the kitty cat got away.”

“Figures.” Finn rolled his eyes. “I knew we should have kept an eye on the walls. Every First Order business has a secret exit for narrow escapes when the cops arrive. He's probably half-way to Snoke by now.”

Leia smiled as Finn and Rey helped Poe out, with him leaning on both. “I think they're all going to be fine members of the Resistance force someday.”

Henry grinned. “I think they already are.” He gasped and put a hand over his chest. “But I think I need to get moving, before I don't live to see them take on Hux the next time.”

Luke nodded. “I'll make sure the artifacts get to the Kenobi Museum in Coruscant City.” 

“Right.” Leia finally gave Henry a kiss as Luke headed for the cars. “I love you, Sheep Herder.”

Henry nodded. “I know.”

They looked up as wild whooping was heard in the windows. Rey and Finn cheered. Poe had his hand over Beatrice's eyes while trying to wolf-whistle with his split lip. Artie's gave them a goofy grin. 

Henry laughed. “How about we save the rest of this for when I'm recovered?”

“Too bad I'll have to wait that long.” She put her arms around him. “Let's go home.”


End file.
